10.
Herod Antipas
St Luke 13:31-33
Antipas was a pathetic and weak man who – at the behest of his
soon-to-be mistress “salome” (his step-daughter) carried out her demand
(originating from her mother Herodias – item 9) to murder John the
Baptist. In what is probably his most famous moment he stood in
judgement of Jesus Christ when Pontius Pilate felt incapable of the
task. Antipas – expecting a miracle – was most annoyed at Jesus’
silence so sent him back to Pilate to be murdered upon the demands of
the Jews.
Antipas didn’t just behead John the Baptist – but that alone makes
his worthy for a place on this list. Fittingly he died in exile after
plotting to overthrow Emperor
Caligula.
[I]n ipsa die accesserunt quidam Pharisaeorum dicentes
illi exi et vade hinc quia Herodes vult te occidere. Et ait illis ite
dicite vulpi illi ecce eicio daemonia et sanitates perficio hodie et
cras et tertia consummor. Verumtamen oportet me hodie et cras et
sequenti ambulare quia non capit prophetam perire extra Hierusalem.
The same day, there came some of the Pharisees,
saying to him: Depart, and get thee hence, for Herod hath a mind to kill
thee. And he said to them: Go and tell that fox, Behold, I cast out
devils, and do cures today and tomorrow, and the third day I am
consummated. Nevertheless I must walk today and tomorrow, and the day
following, because it cannot be that a prophet perish, out of Jerusalem.
—
St Luke 13:31-33
9
Herodias
St Mark 6:22-25
Herodias was clearly destined to a life of evil – marrying first
Herod II, the son of the evil Herod “the Great” (item 2 on this list)
and then falsely divorcing him to marry his far viler brother Herod
Antipas (Item 10 – directly above). Her life of crime didn’t end with
bigamy. Saint John the Baptist was rather vocal at the time about the
bigamous marriage of Herodias and Herod Antipas and it raised the ire of
the adulteress – to a point where she would not be happy until she saw
him slaughtered.
Seeing how enamored her new husband (Herod Antipas) was with her daughter (his step-daughter –
Salome)
she offered the girl to him in exchange for the arrest of St John.
Herod being rather a weak man took her up on the very generous offer –
appeasing the ill-feeling of Salome about the arrangement by promising
to grant her any wish should she “lie” with him. This is where Herodias
was able to cleverly execute her plan. She convinced her daughter to
“get together” with her father-in-law in order to have the Baptist
killed.
After the famous dance of the seven veils, Salome told her
father-in-law that she was his – and she named her wish (in reality the
wish of her witch of a mother Herodias): the head of John the Baptist.
Happy to dick his brother’s wife but not to renege on a promise to his
new teenage bed pal, Herod had no choice but to command it be done.
Salome has gone down in history as the woman who had St John killed; but
in reality it was her evil conniving mother Herodias who was behind it
all.
If this story interests you, you will probably love the Oscar Wilde play Salome. Here is the complete film on
youtube of an incredible interpretation of his play by the great director
Charles Bryant starring the incredible
Alla Nazimova with the sets and costumes mimicking those designed by
Aubrey Beardsley (Salome illustration above) who died a the young age of twenty-five.
[C]umque introisset filia ipsius Herodiadis et
saltasset et placuisset Herodi simulque recumbentibus rex ait puellae
pete a me quod vis et dabo tibi et iuravit illi quia quicquid petieris
dabo tibi licet dimidium regni mei quae cum exisset dixit matri suae
quid petam et illa dixit caput Iohannis Baptistae cumque introisset
statim cum festinatione ad regem petivit dicens volo ut protinus des
mihi in disco caput Iohannis Baptistae.
And when the daughter of the same Herodias had come
in, and had danced, and pleased Herod, and them that were at table with
him, the king said to the damsel: Ask of me what thou wilt, and I will
give it thee. And he swore to her: Whatsoever thou shalt ask I will give
thee, though it be the half of my kingdom. Who when she was gone out,
said to her mother, What shall I ask? But she said: The head of John the
Baptist. And when she was come in immediately with haste to the king,
she asked, saying: I will that forthwith thou give me in a dish, the
head of John the Baptist. —
St Mark 6:22-25
During the birth of man God suspended the laws of incest; therefore
it was possible for Adam and Eve to have children who could marry each
other and have their own children. But before we even get to the second
generation of Adam and Eve we find trouble with the first. Cain and
Abel were brothers – the children of our first parents. Abel was
devoted to God and made many offerings to him – particularly his prize
fatted sheep.
Cain also made many offerings but – extraorindarily fond of meat –
offered fruit instead. God, clearly being a devout carnivore was far
more interested in Abel’s offerings and gave him much praise for them –
and frankly who wouldn’t prefer a side of lamb over a basket of plums?
Cain, being the jealous type decided to take matters into his own hands.
He convinced his brother to check out the newly laid fields and whilst rollicking amongst the
Einkorn wheat (the original wheat that doesn’t cause an
obesity crisis)
pulled out his sword and shoved it firmly in his brother who,
unfortunately, had his back to him. It is a very famous story and here
it is as told by the Sacred Scriptures:
Adam vero cognovit Havam uxorem suam quae concepit et
peperit Cain dicens possedi hominem per Dominum. Rursusque peperit
fratrem eius Abel fuit autem Abel pastor ovium et Cain agricola. Factum
est autem post multos dies ut offerret Cain de fructibus terrae munera
Domino. Abel quoque obtulit de primogenitis gregis sui et de adipibus
eorum et respexit Dominus ad Abel et ad munera eius. Ad Cain vero et ad
munera illius non respexit iratusque est Cain vehementer et concidit
vultus eius. Dixitque Dominus ad eum quare maestus es et cur concidit
facies tua. Nonne si bene egeris recipies sin autem male statim in
foribus peccatum aderit sed sub te erit appetitus eius et tu dominaberis
illius. Dixitque Cain ad Abel fratrem suum egrediamur foras cumque
essent in agro consurrexit Cain adversus Abel fratrem suum et interfecit
eum
And Adam knew Eve his wife: who conceived and brought
forth Cain, saying: I have gotten a man through God. And again she
brought forth his brother Abel. And Abel was a shepherd, and Cain a
husbandman. And it came to pass after many days, that Cain offered, of
the fruits of the earth, gifts to the Lord. Abel also offered of the
firstlings of his flock, and of their fat: and the Lord had respect [Had
respect: That is, shewed his acceptance of his sacrifice (as coming
from a heart full of devotion): and that, as we may suppose, by some
visible token, such as sending fire from heaven upon his offerings.] to
Abel, and to his offerings. But to Cain and his offerings he had no
respect: and Cain was exceedingly angry, and his countenance fell. And
the Lord said to him: Why art thou angry? and why is thy countenance
fallen? If thou do well, shalt thou not receive? but if ill, shall not
sin forthwith be present at the door? but the lust thereof shall be
under thee, and thou shalt have dominion over it. And Cain said to Abel
his brother: Let us go forth abroad. And when they were in the field,
Cain rose up against his brother Abel, and slew him. —
Genesis 4:1-8
7
Jehoram of Judah
2 Paralipomenon 21:4
Undoubtedly you have heard the phrase “jumping’ Jehoshaphat!” Joram
(sometimes known as Jehoram) was Jehoshaphat’s son. Actually he was one
of seven sons – no wonder Jehoshaphat was jumping – you would be too
with seven babies’ nappies to change. Joram reigned jointly with his
father for a while but, realizing his father’s time was drawing short,
decided he needed to cement his place as sole ruler of the Kingdom of
Judah. With six brothers it is no wonder he was a little edgy about the
succession to the throne.
So Joram did what any co-regent would do under the circumstances. He
took a sword and slashed the throats of his bros. Single-handedly this
megalomaniac dismembered his little brothers. If that isn’t evil I
don’t know what is. Oh wait – yes I do – see the next item. Oh – by the
way – in case you are wondering what became of old Jehoram: he died
when his bowels fell out (
2 paralipomenon 21:16-19).
[S]urrexit ergo Ioram super regnum patris sui cumque se
confirmasset occidit omnes fratres suos gladio et quosdam de
principibus Israhel.
So Joram rose up over the kingdom of his father: and
when he had established himself, he slew all his brethren with the
sword, and some of the princes of Israel. —
2 Paralipomenon 21:4
Cain and Jehoram deserve a place on this list without a doubt, but if
they are here – so should Abimelech be. He didn’t kill one brother; he
didn’t kill six brothers, he killed seventy! Yes. That isn’t a typo.
He murdered all but one of his brothers! Clearly his father, Jerobaal,
had a lot of spare time on his hands. So anyway – after butchering his
brothers the local city folk declared him king (not surprisingly).
After this rather vile moment of evil the Scriptures go on to tell the
quite random tale of talking trees – of course – that makes sense!
Follow the link below and read the remainder of the tale to hear about
the talking trees.
[A]biit autem Abimelech filius Hierobbaal in Sychem ad
fratres matris suae et locutus est ad eos et ad omnem cognationem domus
patris matris suae dicens. Loquimini ad omnes viros Sychem quid vobis
est melius ut dominentur vestri septuaginta viri omnes filii Hierobbaal
an ut dominetur vobis unus vir simulque considerate quia os vestrum et
caro vestra sum. Locutique sunt fratres matris eius de eo ad omnes viros
Sychem universos sermones istos et inclinaverunt cor eorum post
Abimelech dicentes frater noster est. Dederuntque illi septuaginta pondo
argenti de fano Baalbrith qui conduxit sibi ex eo viros inopes et vagos
secutique sunt eum. Et venit in domum patris sui Ephra et occidit
fratres suos filios Hierobbaal septuaginta viros super lapidem unum
remansitque Ioatham filius Hierobbaal minimus et absconditus est.
And Abimelech the son of Jerobaal went to Sichem to
his mother’s brethren and spoke to them, and to all the kindred of his
mother’s father, saying: Speak to all the men of Sichem: whether is
better for you that seventy men all the sons of Jerobaal should rule
over you, or that one man should rule over you? And withal consider that
I am your bone, and your flesh. And his mother’s brethren spoke of him
to all the men of Sichem, all these words, and they inclined their
hearts after Abimelech, saying: He is our brother: And they gave him
seventy weight of silver out of the temple of Baalberith: wherewith he
hired to himself men that were needy, and vagabonds, and they followed
him. And he came to his father’s house in Ephra, and slew his brethren
the sons of Jerobaal, seventy men, upon one stone: and there remained
only Joatham the youngest son of Jerobaal, who was hidden. — Judges 9:1-5
5
Lot and Gabriel
Judges 19:1-29
When we think of old folk we usually think of kindly old grandparents
who give us candy and love everything we do. Not so in Biblical times.
The Old Man from Ephraim (most of you will know him as Lot) was
definitely not your stereotypical grandpa. After inviting some random
traveling guy (who turns out to be the angel Gabriel) into his house for
a sleep over, the local village men go on a horn-fest and demand the
guest be given to them for a good old fashioned Biblical gang-bang.
This really is in the Bible incidentally – gay gang bangs – who would
have thought it?! Lot summons up his morals and refuses to hand over
the man. But he has a better alternative: he hands over his virgin
daughter and the concubine of the visiting stranger (you can’t travel
without a concubine in the Bible of course – even if you are an angel).
The village men – content to rape anything they can get their hands on –
agree to leave the angel behind and take off with the concubine
(obviously the virginal daughter was a dog) for the night.
But wait – it gets worse. The next morning the poor concubine is
left in a heap on the door step of the Lot’s house. Any person with any
civility would, of course, take her in and clean her gashes –
undoubtedly there are many wounds left after a night of Biblical village
rape. But is that what happens? No. The guest – jointly evil with Lot
– thinks the concubine is dead and carries her home on his ass. Upon
arriving home he doesn’t check his heavenly emails – he grabs a knife
and chops her into twelves bits and posts her around the country. As
you do. Don’t believe me? Here’s the proof:
[A]t mulier recedentibus tenebris venit ad ostium domus
ubi manebat dominus suus et ibi corruit. Mane facto surrexit homo et
aperuit ostium ut coeptam expleret viam et ecce concubina eius iacebat
ante ostium sparsis in limine manibus. Cui ille putans eam quiescere
loquebatur surge ut ambulemus qua nihil respondente intellegens quod
erat tulit eam et inposuit asino reversusque est in domum suam. Quam cum
esset ingressus arripuit gladium et cadaver uxoris cum ossibus suis in
duodecim partes ac frusta concidens misit in omnes terminos Israhel.
But the woman, at the dawning of the day, came to the
door of the house where her lord [Gabriel] lodged, and there fell down.
And in the morning the man arose, and opened the door that he might end
the journey he had begun: and behold his concubine lay before the door
with her hands spread on the threshold. He thinking she was taking her
rest, said to her: Arise, and let us be going. But as she made no
answer, perceiving she was dead, he took her up, and laid her upon his
ass, and returned to his house. And when he was come home he took a
sword, and divided the dead body of his wife [concubine] with her bones
into twelve parts, and sent the pieces into all the borders of Israel. —
Judges 19:26-29
4
Jezebel
4 Kings 9:32-35
Jezebel wasn’t just a whore – she was a butchering murderous bitch.
Being a worshipper of Baal (a devil) she determined to convert her
nation-by-marriage (Israel – she was a Phoenician princess married to a
Jewish king) to the same religion. In order to do so she butchered as
many Jewish prophets as she could round up; and she rounded up quite a
few!
This is not entirely uncommon in the old testament as the Jews
frequently killed their prophets; but Jezebel had to go one worse. Not
content to murder the prophets to stop them spreading their “wickedness”
she sacrificed babies to her god of stone to appease him. Elijah – her
chief protagonist at least has a chance for vengeance and eventually
slaughtered the 450 prophets of Baal. Jezebel came to a ruinous end
when she was cast from a window by three Eunuchs whereupon she was
trampled to death by horses and eventually eaten by dogs, leaving behind
her only her feet, skull, and hands.
[L]evavitque Hieu faciem suam ad fenestram et ait quae
est ista et inclinaverunt se ad eum duo vel tres eunuchi. At ille dixit
eis praecipitate eam deorsum et praecipitaverunt eam aspersusque est
sanguine paries et equorum ungulae qui conculcaverunt eam. Cumque
ingressus esset et comederet bibissetque ait ite videte maledictam illam
et sepelite eam quia filia regis est. Cumque issent ut sepelirent eam
non invenerunt nisi calvariam et pedes et summas manus.
And Jehu lifted up his face to the window, and said:
Who is this? And two or three eunuchs bowed down to him. And he said to
them: Throw her down headlong: and they threw her down, and the wall was
sprinkled with her blood, and the hoofs of the horses trod upon her.
And when he was come in, to eat, and to drink, he said: Go, and see
after that cursed woman, and bury her: because she is a king’s daughter.
And when they went to bury her, they found nothing but the skull, and
the feet, and the extremities of her hands. —
4 Kings 9:32-35
3
Jephthah
Judges 11:36-39
As so often we see in the Old Testament, the Jews became greedy and
fell into wicked ways. When that happened God typically sold them into
slavery of sorts. At the time of Jephthah the slave-owners were the
Philistines and the Ammonites. Being somewhat of a good fighter his
fellow Jews ask him to be their leader in battle, but that is not enough
for Greedy Jephthat who decides that he wants to be the supreme chief
of the Jews for good (a king in a sense). His fellow men agree on the
condition that he beats the enemy.
To ensure that will be victorious over his enemies he makes a special
deal with God: if he can beat the Ammonites he will offer as a burnt
sacrifice to God the first thing or person that comes out of the door to
greet him upon his return. He wins his battle – heads home – and the
first thing he sees is: his virgin daughter. Not overcome with emotion
or love of his beautiful firstborn he thinks only of his promise. Next
minute the daughter is ash on the pyre. Yes – the evil bastard baked
his daughter so he could be king.
NOTE: this interpretation exists only in the King James version of
the Bible written in the 1500s – the original Catholic Bible has the
girl offered up as a virgin for the rest of her life.
[C]ui illa respondit pater mi si aperuisti os tuum ad
Dominum fac mihi quodcumque pollicitus es concessa tibi ultione atque
victoria de hostibus tuis. Dixitque ad patrem hoc solum mihi praesta
quod deprecor dimitte me ut duobus mensibus circumeam montes et plangam
virginitatem meam cum sodalibus meis. Cui ille respondit vade et dimisit
eam duobus mensibus cumque abisset cum sociis ac sodalibus suis flebat
virginitatem suam in montibus. Expletisque duobus mensibus reversa est
ad patrem suum et fecit ei sicut voverat quae ignorabat virum exinde mos
increbuit in Israhel et consuetudo servata est.
And she answered him: My father, if thou hast opened
thy mouth to the Lord, do unto me whatsoever thou hast promised, since
the victory hath been granted to thee, and revenge of thy enemies. And
she said to her father: Grant me only this which I desire: Let me go,
that I may go about the mountains for two months, and may bewail my
virginity with my companions. And he answered her: Go. And he sent her
away for two months. And when she was gone with her comrades and
companions, she mourned her virginity in the mountains. And the two
months being expired, she returned to her father, and he did to her as
he had vowed, and she knew no man. From thence came a fashion in Israel,
and a custom has been kept. —
Judges 11:36-39
2
Herod “the Great”
St Matthew 2:16-18
Herod the Great (“a madman who murdered his own family and a great
many rabbis.” – off to a good start!) is the famous King from the time
of Christ. He was a Jewish ruler who governed (with the support of the
Romans with whom he was very tight) Judea. Amongst his achievements was
the building of the great Second Temple – a popular venue for the Jews
to sell sacrificial animals, food, sweets, and to trade money; it was
this place which Jesus Christ would later come to smash apart.
But it is not this den of thieves for which Herod is most famous; he
is better known for his massacre of innocent children – the death toll
of which has been unheard of since (unless you liken abortion to the
murder of innocents in which the modern death toll is exponentially
higher). The story goes that Herod heard of the birth of Christ (after
his agents spied the three wise men entering his country) and, wanting
to prevent a replacement king, ordered the murder of all newborns in the
village of Bethlehem (the place of Christ’s birth). Imagine that –
ordering the murder of ALL babies born in a city over the previous two
years. That is the reason we remember the evil Herod the “Great”.
Well – that and the fact that his temple wall is the most sacred
place in modern Judaism – a dedication to one of the most evil men in
the history of the Bible.
[T]unc Herodes videns quoniam inlusus esset a magis
iratus est valde et mittens occidit omnes pueros qui erant in Bethleem
et in omnibus finibus eius a bimatu et infra secundum tempus quod
exquisierat a magis. Tunc adimpletum est quod dictum est per Hieremiam
prophetam dicentem. Vox in Rama audita est ploratus et ululatus multus
Rachel plorans filios suos et noluit consolari quia non sunt.
Then Herod perceiving that he was deluded by the wise
men, was exceeding angry; and sending killed all the men children that
were in Bethlehem, and in all the borders thereof, from two years old
and under, according to the time which he had diligently inquired of the
wise men. Then was fulfilled that which was spoken by Jeremias the
prophet, saying: A voice in Rama was heard, lamentation and great
mourning; Rachel bewailing her children, and would not be comforted,
because they are not. —
St Matthew 2:16-18
1
Judas Iscariot
The Acts of the Apostles 1:16-19
You were undoubtedly expecting to see Judas on this list. Given that
he betrayed God Himself (Jesus, the Son of God) who could be more
wicked in the Bible than he? Some controversy exists regarding this
particular evil man as he seems to create a paradox. It goes thus: he
betrayed God but if he hadn’t there would be no salvation as Christ had
to die for that to happen. So if Judas was a faithful apostle, Christ
wouldn’t have died so there could be no salvation.
Either way – his act of betrayal is but one part of his wickedness.
In the end he succumbed to the selfish act of suicide and hanged himself
from a tree; most descriptively we know that his bowels gushed from his
body in the act. He is almost universally regarded as being a resident
of Hell for his acts.
[V]iri fratres oportet impleri scripturam quam
praedixit Spiritus Sanctus per os David de Iuda qui fuit dux eorum qui
conprehenderunt Iesum. Quia connumeratus erat in nobis et sortitus est
sortem ministerii huius. Et hic quidem possedit agrum de mercede
iniquitatis et suspensus crepuit medius et diffusa sunt omnia viscera
eius. Et notum factum est omnibus habitantibus Hierusalem ita ut
appellaretur ager ille lingua eorum Acheldemach hoc est ager Sanguinis
Men, brethren, the scripture must needs be fulfilled,
which the Holy Ghost spoke before by the mouth of David concerning
Judas, who was the leader of them that apprehended Jesus: Who was
numbered with us, and had obtained part of this ministry. And he indeed
hath possessed a field of the reward of iniquity, and being hanged,
burst asunder in the midst: and all his bowels gushed out. And it became
known to all the inhabitants of Jerusalem: so that the same field was
called in their tongue, Haceldama, that is to say, The field of blood. —
The Acts of the Apostles 1:16-19
